The Psychology of Relationships

I obviously didn't write this. I just happen to agree with it.

The Key To Why They Work . . . And Why They Fail
By Earnie Larsen

When we talk about the psychology of relationships, we mean all types, not only sexual ones: relationships with your kids, parents, friends, any type of relationship. The psychology is the heart and soul of relationships. Many of you might be familiar with it, but it doesn’t hurt to go through it again and get to where you know it so well you can teach it.

The little diagram I often use with relationships is a tightrope. The point is this—the rope cannot be stronger than the poles. The first issue in a relationship is not the rope; it’s how strong the poles are. What if one pole is made out of iron and buried in ten feet of concrete, and the other pole is cardboard and buried in four inches of sand? How much weight can the rope hold? If you put any weight on that rope relating to in-laws, to sex, to money, or to kids, then it caves right in. You can go to a counselor and spend a million dollars talking about the issues, but that’s the wrong place to start. The only way a relationship gets stronger is if both people are willing first of all to look at themselves.

We are going to go through six words which relate to relationships. They are the key to what makes a relationship work and what makes it fail.

Both

A relationship cannot be healthier than both people. First of all, both must want the relationship to exist. Because you are in the relationship does not automatically mean that both of you want the same kind of relationship. Do you have teenage kids? What if you want an honest, caring, sharing, loving, wonderful relationship with your teenage kid and they want to have a place to eat and sleep and a place to take off from? Then you don’t want the same kind of relationship. It doesn’t make any difference what you want. It can’t be any healthier than what both people want.

You may find that somebody you are in a relationship with wants to be a hermit. “I want to have a place to stay; don’t bug me; I’ll just sit here and read my paper and drink my beer, watch TV; don’t hassle me.” Yet, you may want something more like a community.

Another example could be a relationship with your parents. You may be fifty years old, and what your parents want in a relationship with you is that you be bonded. “I don’t want you to curl your hair. I want you to sit up straight at the table.” You probably want different things. The first issue from a counselor’s standpoint is to clarify what it is that both people want. You often find that both people want different things.

Willing

How willing are both people to do what it takes to make the relationship better? Not just willing to do what they, themselves, want. That’s not the issue. The issue is willing to do what it takes. If what it takes to make your relationship healthier is for you to be quiet and listen, are you wiling to listen? If what it takes for your relationship to be healthier is for somebody to talk straight, are you willing to do that?

How willing are you to do what it takes to make the relationship better? If either one says, “I’m not going to do anything. There’s nothing wrong with our relationship except you anyway. If you weren’t so nuts, everything would be fine. Maybe you’ll get yourself fixed and everything will be all right.” If both people aren’t willing to do it, you’ve got a lot of trouble.

Those of you who have started a journey toward growth on a program without the other person, are going to have a lot of hurt in your life. Imagine two pimples with bubbles on top. If one person starts growing and starts moving, knowing what friendship is, what sharing is, what support is, what talking straight is, what happens? If you start growing it means you are growing further and further apart from the other. There are only three things which can happen. The best is that the other person has a conversion experience and starts changing and comes along with you. That can happen. Another thing that can happen is this person who is growing can’t stand up to the pressure of the other person saying things like: “I remember when you used to be a good mother; I remember when you used to be nice before you got brainwashed.” When this happens they often tend to give up their recovery and go back to the way it was. But you can never do that. Once you know the difference, you can never go back. You can try, but it won’t work. The third thing which happens is that sooner or later, the bubble breaks. Relationships are living things just like people, and any living thing can die. When relationships are dead, they are gone and they are never going to come back because they are dead. I see a lot of people trying to do what seems like mouth-to-mouth resuscitation for a corpse. When it’s dead, it’s over. What it dies from is lack of trust, lack of trying, lack of wanting. Some of the saddest stuff I have found in my twenty years of working with this kind of thing is somebody played with the relationship so long that it died.

Then, once a relationship dies, the other person who was not willing to try before ahs the conversion experience. Then he sits in my office crying. “Tell me what I can do!” And, of course, there is nothing he can do. “I’ll read your books.” “Wonderful!” “I’ll take you out to a movie.” “Super! I don’t want to go out with you.” Tears come down and the guy or lady knows that it is gone, that they played with it too long and it died.

Maybe there are some people reading this under duress. You think it is stupid, and you’re doing it to appease somebody. Realize that someone really wants you to read this because they are hungry. If they get hungry enough, long enough, you’ve lost that relationship.

Able

To make relationships work it takes skills. Good-will is not enough. Lacking the skills, it just won’t work. There are a million examples of this. You understand that all the time in the business world. If you were the boss of a computer place and I came in and wanted a job, you’d say, “Do you know about computers?” I reply, “No, I don’t know anything about them, but I want the job.” You say, “Are you willing to learn?” “No.” “Well, then you don’t have a job.” I’d say, “No, you don’t understand, I just want to work.”

Somebody’s saying, “I really want you to be able to talk.” You say, “I talk to you all the time . . . get me a beer; what’s on TV?; set the alarm for six.” If you are not willing to learn and to work to gain the skills that it takes, give it enough time, it will fall over dead.

Trust

I suggest to you that the only issue I think there is in any relationship is trust. A relationship cannot fail except if trust fails. The only reason a relationship ever dies is because of no trust. People talk about communication. Communication is trust in asking. You cannot have a failure in communication until first of all there is a failure in trust. When games start, trust ends. That’s what causes lack of trust—somebody starts playing a game. Maybe they don’t know any better. Maybe the only way they know how to deal with conflict is to get mad. They don’t know how to say, “I don’t understand.” They don’t know how to say, “I have a different opinion.” All they know how to do is get mad, scream, yell, and intimidate. It’s a game.

Screaming and yelling may be the way you learned, and the only way you know, but it isn’t good enough. How willing are you and I to deal with the kind of games we play? Ordinarily when you talk about trust, people think about one or two things—sexual fidelity or not stealing money. Trust means more than that. That’s the bare minimum. When I talk about trust it is where I really know you care about me. Trust means that you have proven to me you will express your caring in ways which count to me. Not in the things that count to you. I can only trust you if you have demonstrated you care enough about me to be present to me in a way which is important to me.

Communication is trusting. The only way two people can build trust is that I take responsibility for myself in learning to be more trustworthy. The first commitment in a relationship is not to the relationship; it is the commitment that both people are willing to bend back and look at themselves.

The question here for each one of us is: what do I need to change in order to become a more trustworthy partner in this relationship? If both people are willing to bend back and look at themselves, and say, “What do I need to change? What do I need to deal with? What do I need to become in order to be a more trustworthy partner?” then there is no end to how much love, trust and grace you can have in this relationship. But if neither is willing to do it, or if only one person is willing to do it, you will continue to have a sick relationship.

Growth or Change

The point is, our task is to grow, in order to become more trustworthy, so that there is more trust in the relationship.  If both people are doing that, it just grows and grows. But are you willing to grow? Willing to do some changing? Let me give you an example of this.

The man in this relationship comes from a family of 17 children. The way he came out of his childhood is that any time there is any emotion, he wilts. Whether anger, joy, no matter what—any time there is a lot of emotion, he wilts and goes away. He married a lady who was a child from an alcoholic family whose father left when she was six. She has an enormous fear of abandonment. Any time she feels abandoned, which is almost always, she gets angry and attacks. Let’s look at this pattern. She feels abandoned, gets angry and attacks. He responds by wilting and goes away. The further he goes away, the angrier she gets. So she attacks. He goes away. What does she do? Attacks even more. They have been married 27 years and have seven kids. I don’t think they have had one happy year together!

Let’s work on understanding this. He kept saying, “Why is she so angry?” and she kept saying, “Why is he such a cold duck?” For 27 years they have been doing that. I bet they have spent $30,000 on marriage counseling. But nobody ever said, “Look Mary, what do you have to do?” Finally, she started working in a program down at the YMCA, and decided what was really fair was for her to stop making her husband responsible to make up for the youth she never had. “That isn’t fair. Because my dad left me, it is not my husband’s fault, and I need to stop getting angry because I am afraid.” The husband got in a program and came to understand, “Because I learned to be afraid of a lot of emotion, it isn’t fair to run away from her. If there is an issue and an emotion, the adult, responsible thing to do is to stay there, talk through it, and work through it, and not act like a five-year-old and run for the train or head for the hills.” So, he started staying home and she stopped fighting. They have a wonderful thing going now. It’s not perfect, but both of them made a commitment, first of all, to grow. Both of them told me in the past that, “I don’t know if we are going to make it, but even if we don’t make it I am going to come out of this a healthier, whole person.” Wonderful understanding of what the relationship is about!

You do not grow for the sake of the other person or for the sake of the relationship. That never works because you are angry at the other person because you have to do some work. The only way it works is if you are willing to go to work and do what it takes because you want to change and you want to grow.

My dad committed suicide, and I don’t want to end up like that. I have to work on my life and I choose to work on my life for me. If something happened to my wife and she wasn’t around, would I still be working for my program? Not if I was doing it just for her. In the course of me working on me, I am better able to function in my relationship.

My wife, Paula, of course, comes to our relationship with her bag of stuff. She’s working hard on hers. One of the biggest problems we’ve had in our marriage had to do with time. Being on time. Her whole belief is, “If I get there before it’s over, I am on time.” If church starts at 10:00 and we should leave home at 9:30, and she is in the shower at 9:28, I feel horrid! I feel unimportant, I feel cheated. I feel angry! Paula’s attitude about time was learned when she was growing up. Paula’s mother is a neat lady, but she is always 15 to 20 minutes late. She is 84 years old, and can hardly walk, but she is going as fast as she can trying to make up time. Paula says she just wants to stay alive. Paula really wanted part of her program to be on understanding time. “If something takes a half hour, don’t say it takes 20 because you are going to be 20 minutes late and it’s 7:30 in the morning and you’ll never catch up.” That has been a horrendous issue in our relationship. It only gets better though, if both people are playing fair enough to bend back and say, “What’s fair?” And that means that probably both people are going to have to do some changing.

Program

Nobody changes accidentally. If there is going to be some growth, there needs to be a program. We need to do the right thing. All programs means is practice . . . nothing serious, nothing mystical. A program need practice. For example, how many of you ladies would like to be married to a man who is really good at sharing, who can express his feelings? A woman says, “I want to share a sunset.” “What sunset? I don’t see a sunset!” But if we are playing fair and doing some work, we kind of wake up and say, “Yes there is such a thing as a sunset. There is such a thing as looking at your kid’s face with warmth. There is such a thing as courtesy.” There are all kinds of wonderful things! But waking up to these things is not automatic.

I belong to a men’s group which meets every Saturday morning. There are a lot of guys in the group whose main objective is to learn to feel. A lot of the time guys don’t share feelings because we don’t know we have any. The second thing is to learn how to share those feelings, which is different from ramming them down somebody’s throat. There are a lot of guys in the group who make a journal every day. Every day they write down one feeling. Isn’t that neat? One guy had a piece of paper in a cellophane bag on the seat of his car. He hates red lights. So every time he is stopped by a red light, he takes his chart out and goes through his list, have I felt this?; have I felt this?; have I felt that? He identifies his feelings. He has changed his life and marriage around in the past eighteen months in a way you can’t believe. He’s working at it. You have to identify your feelings and share them with people. Perhaps resolve: “Every day I am going to share one feeling with one person.” It doesn’t have to be any heavy duty thing. I can go to work and say, “Boy, are my feet cold.” You don’t have to gripe and moan and condemn God. Just say, your feet are cold.

It is just a matter of practice. Anybody can learn any skill they want if they are willing to practice. It is skill, not genes. It’s not what you are born with. It is a matter of practice. And it is never too late to change. Some of us simply start later. We can learn the skill.

-Adapted for print from Earnie Larsen’s seminar on adult relationships. Copyright 1986 by Earnie Larsen; used by permission from Marriage Encounter, November/December 1990 issue, pages 24-27.

The "Pay It Forward" Challenge

START A REVOLUTION—IT BEGINS WITH YOU!

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to join me in THE “PAY IT FORWARD” CHALLENGE. 

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The Origin of Sunday Worship

Christianity is a spiritual experience based upon the worship of the true Creator-God of heaven.  The act of worship on the part of the believer is the very substance of his experience and the power of his Christian life.  Apart from this worship, there could be no right conception of God, nor could there be any real growth in grace and knowledge.  Therefore, in the very heart of God’s law, by which the Christian life is to be guided and governed, the proper manner for worship is set forth in such clear language that none need err in this very important matter:  “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.  Six days shalt thou labor, and do all thy work:  But the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God:  in it thou shalt not do any work… For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested on the seventh day:  wherefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day, and hallowed it.”  Exodus 20:8-10.

Here the Bible teaches that God’s people are to keep holy the seventh day, or Saturday, as the Sabbath of the Lord.  God specifically chose the seventh day for a very good and logical reason.  It was on that day He rested from His work of creating this planet, all its plant and animal life, and man.  Therefore, the seventh day is declared holy.  It is not just another day among days.  The seventh day is a sanctified memorial of our creation and God’s power as the Creator.  See Genesis 2:2,3.  “The Sabbath was made for man” (Mark 2:27), as a day of rest and worship, to keep us in proper and sacred relation to our Maker.

With these thoughts before us, it is certain that sincere believers in Christ and the Bible will want to know where and how Sunday worship originated.  Some historic facts and biblical enlightenment on this subject will be of great value to those who love Jesus and want to serve and worship Him according to the divine will.

Consistency is indeed the glorious jewel of the Bible.  Although patriarchs lived before the prophets, and apostles and disciples came thousands of years later, every man followed the same line of doctrine.  Of the patriarch Abraham, it is written that he “obeyed My voice, kept My charge, My commandments, My statutes, and My laws.”  Genesis 26:5.  The prophet David wrote:  “O how love I Thy law!  It is my meditation al the day.”  Psalm 119:97.  It is written of the followers of our blessed Lord, that they “rested the Sabbath day according to the commandment.”  Luke 23:56.  And of the great apostle Paul, it is written that he “reasoned…every Sabbath, and persuaded the Jews and the Greeks.”  Acts 18:4.

In strange contrast with the consistent lives of those who kept the faith before us, sincere believers in the Bible are observing and have observed for centuries, Sunday, the first day of the week, as the day of rest and worship.  But the Creator rested on the seventh day and hallowed it as the Sabbath, and this Sabbath was “made for man.”  The fourth commandment enjoins the observance of the seventh day as the Sabbath.  Yet, the majority of the Christian world observe Sunday, the first day of the week, and worship on that day.  We offer no condemnation for this inconsistency, but some education and encouragement.

Absolutely No Record of Change in the Bible:  No change from seventh-day to first-day worship is recorded in the Bible.  If the change were catalogued there, it would cease to be so perplexing.  But our Creator say, “I am the Lord, I change not.”  Malachi 3:6.  The commandment must still stand; for the Savior declares that “it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail.”  Luke 16:17.  Since heaven and earth are still standing today, the fourth precept of God’s law must still be obligatory.  Jesus said:  “Think not that I am come to destroy the law;” and, “If thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.”  Matthew 5:17; 19:17.

Notwithstanding all this, an attempt has been made to change the day of rest.  The majority today are not keeping the day that Jesus kept.  And the question is, who changed the Sabbath day from the seventh to the first day of the week, and by what authority?  Every Christian who desires to “enter into life” should be concerned about this.  We ought to know how this change came about, and if the greater part of Christendom is right in observing Sunday instead of the Sabbath day.

Sun Worship in Ezekiel’s Day:  There is light on this question in the very origin of the word “Sunday.”  In early ages, mankind, forgetting the true Creator of the heavens and the earth, and being possessed, as all men are, with that inherent instinct which goes seeking after an object or being to worship, began to look about for such an object or being.  Their choice rested on the biggest and brightest thing their eyes could see.  They chose the sun as god.  With its brightness and welcomed warmth, it caused earthly life to bud, blossom, and bring forth food; surely it must be the true god and the author of man’s being.  Thus we find in history many sun gods.  They are pictured on temples and monuments of Assyria, Babylon, Egypt, Persia, Greece, and Rome.  Ra, Isis, Osiris, Baal, Mithras, Hercules, Apolo, and Jupiter are all heathen gods of the sun.  Even in the Bible, sun worship is mentioned.  In Job 31:26-28, we read:  “If I beheld the sun when it shined…and my heart hath been secretly enticed, or my mouth hath kissed my hand:  this also were an iniquity to be punished by the judge:  for I should have denied the God that is above.”  In Ezekiel 8:16 we read:  “At the door of the temple of the lord, between the porch and the altar, were about five and twenty men, with their backs toward the temple of the Lord, and their faces toward the east; and they worshipped the sun toward the east.”

The pagans had “gods many and lords many.”  Besides the sun, they worshiped the moon, Mars, Mercury, Venus, and Saturn.  And they bestowed upon the days of the week names of their gods. The sun, from which comes light and heat, being the biggest and brightest, was accorded first rank; and the first day of the week was given over to this foremost of all gods, and called the sun’s day, or Sunday.  The moon took second place and also the second day; hence Monday.  Saturn held Saturday, the last day.  So from antiquity, Sunday has been held as a day of worship.

Paganism Worshiped on Sunday:  Paganism was worshiping the sun on Sunday when Christ came.  When the gospel from Judea came to our own ancestors in Europe, it found them paying homage to the sun on the first day of the week.  As the Spirit of God, manifested in Christ, began to work upon the hearts of men, many left the worship of Apollo, the sun god, and joined the Christians.

After Christ’s return to heaven, the great majority were still pagans worshiping the sun on Sunday, while the followers of Jesus worshiped God on the true Sabbath, or seventh day.  With the mighty manifestations of God’s Spirit, Christianity mounted, and paganism began to wane.  The Spirit-filled preaching of Paul in Asia, Macedonia, and Italy won thousands to the ranks of Christ.  The church at that time was powerful, because of its zeal and earnestness and consecration.  The worship of the true God and the following of His commandments spread over the whole world.

Before Paul laid down his life, however, he wrote to the Thessalonians:  “Now we beseech you, brethren,…that ye be not quickly shaken from your mind, nor yet be troubled,…as that the day of the Lord is just at hand; let no man beguile you in any wise; for it will not be, except the falling away come first, and the man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition, he that opposeth and exalteth himself against all that is called God or that is worshiped; so that he sitteth in the temple of God, setting himself forth as God…. For the mystery of lawlessness doth already work.”  2 Thessalonians 2:1-4, 7, R.V.

Here is a warning of apostasy.  Paul saw it working in the church.  A “falling away” was to come “first,” before the second coming of Christ.  A “mystery of lawlessness,” or a spirit of making void the law of God, was already at work.  A “man of sin” was to be revealed sitting right in the church, “setting himself forth as God.”  It is quite evident that from this one source was to come the tendency to change the law of God.  There can be little doubt that Paul was acquainted with the prophecy of Daniel 7:24, 25, regarding that “little horn” power, which was to come up out of Rome, with eyes and a mouth like a man, verse 8, and “speak words against the Most High,” and “wear out the saints of the Most High,” and “think to change the times and the law.”

Daniel had prophesied of a man of sin that was to “think” to change the law; and Paul, by the same Spirit, prophesied of the man of sin and the mystery of lawlessness.  God who made eyes, is not blind, and through these two prophets, He made known to His people the fact that there was to come into the church a power that would “change the times and the law.”  And true to the prophecy, we find its fulfillment.

Soon after Paul was put to death, there swept over the church, in the midst of its prosperity, a sharp rivalry among the bishops of the leading churches as to who should be the greatest.  They became thirsty for more power.  They did almost anything to inflate their membership, increase bishoprics, and add to their power.  They lowered standards of truth to raise membership.  Multitudes joined the church.  The white horse of purity and simplicity that the church had ridden, “conquering and to conquer,” was exchanged for the red horse of strife and worldliness.  She traded her “gold tried in the fire” for the tinsel of popularity.  Paganism stalked into the church without a changed heart or life.  Scarcely a century after his death, Paul’s prophecy was meeting its fulfillment.  There was a “falling away” from purity, and an induction of pagan principles and philosophies into the church.

Constantine Combines Paganism and Christianity:  In the early dawn of the 14^th century, Constantine, a Roman general, ambitious for the throne, adopted Christianity as a matter of political advantage.  He saw paganism declining.  In reality, it was being absorbed by the church.  Merely as a measure of popularity, he proclaimed himself a Christian.  The flattering bishops claimed him as their prize.

Constantine faced a difficult situation:  More than half the people worshiped on Sunday, for they were pagans.  The others observed the Sabbath, for they were professed Christians.  He conceived the idea of cementing the two factions.  Though professing Christianity, he did not want to conflict with the prejudices of his pagans subjects.  Artfully balancing himself between the two, he allayed the “fears of his subjects by publishing in the same year two edicts, the first of which enjoined the solemn observance of Sunday, and the second directed the regular consultation of the auruspices”—a pagan practice.  (Gibbons, “Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire,” chapter 20.)

Here we are, then, face to face with the first law, human or divine, ever given for the purpose of making Sunday a day of sacred rest.  And it is entirely a man-made law, uninspired by Divinity.  On the seventh day of March, 321 A.D., Constantine established his Sunday law:  “Let all the judges and town people and occupation of all trades rest on the venerable day of the sun (Dies Solis); but let those who are situated in the country, freely and at full liberty, attend to the business of agriculture; because it often happens that no other day is so fit for sowing corn and planting vines; lest the critical moment being let slip, men should lose the commodities granted by Heaven.”  Thus, we have the beginning of Sunday keeping among Christians.

Sunday is Only a Human Ordinance, Says the Historian:  You will notice that Constantine did not forbid the desecration of the Sabbath or of the Lord’s day, but the day of the sun, Dies Solis.  The gradual intake of paganism into the church had its effect.  The new pagan converts brought in their new ceremonies and their new rest day.  The Sabbath, loaded with Jewish traditions, was counted a burden.  Sunday was a day of festivity.  Neander says, “The festival of Sunday, like all other festivals, was always only a human ordinance, and it was far from the intention of the apostles to establish a divine command in this respect, far from them, and from the early apostolic church, to transfer the laws of the Sabbath to Sunday.”  Rose’s translation, page 186.  Encyclopedia Britannica says, “The earliest recognition of the observance of Sunday as a legal duty is a constitution of Constantine in 321 A.D., enacting that all courts of justice, inhabitants of towns, and workshops were to be at rest on Sunday (venerabili die solis), with and exception in favor of those engaged in agricultural labor.”  Article Sunday.

The Catholic church followed the leadership of Constantine, and in the year 364, at the council of Laodicea, passed a law requiring that Christians must “not Judaize by resting on Saturday.”  Eusebius, a noted bishop of that church, states, “All things whatsoever that it was duty to do on the Sabbath, these we have transferred to the Lord’s day (which they believed to be Sunday).”  Here it is plain that a human hand, and not a divine, changed the Sabbath.

Finally, the Sabbath was crushed, and Sunday, the pagan holiday, was instituted.  Henceforth it was espoused and supported by the church, as it is in our day.  Doctor Eck, the astute lawyer and champion of the Roman Catholic Church in its controversy with Martin Luther, admits, “The church has changed the observance of the Sabbath to Sunday on its own authority, without Scripture, doubtless under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.”  That same church admits today that the change was brought about by its own action, and not by Christ or the apostles.

The Roman Church Boasts the Change:  “Doctrinal Catechism” of the Catholic church, by Keenan, page 174, we read:

“Ques.—Have you any other way of proving that the church has power to institute festivals of precept?

“Ans.—Had she not such power, she could not have done that in which all modern religionists agree with her,—she could not have done that in which all modern religionists agree with her,—she could not have substituted the observance of Sunday the first day of the week, for the observance of Saturday the seventh day, a change for which there is no Scriptural authority.”

And still further, in her “Abridgment of Christian Doctrine,” R.C. (Tuberville), page 58, we read:

“Ques.—How prove you that the church hath power to command feasts and holy days?

“Ans.—By the very act of changing the Sabbath into Sunday, which Protestants allow of; and therefore they fondly contradict themselves, by keeping Sunday strictly, and breaking most other feasts commanded by the same church.”

Thus the Sabbath was superseded by the pagan Sunday, through human authority and not divine authority.  The only part of Holy Writ was written by God’s own finger, the Ten Commandments, the law the psalmist says is perfect (Psalm 19:7), has been altered by man.  True, we have long observed an error; but to have been a thousand years wrong will not make us right for a single hour.  As Martin Luther said, “If the years should make wrong right, the devil would well deserve to be the most just one on earth, for he is now over 5,000 years old.”

There are two great contending powers on the earth in matters of religion—Christ and Satan.  The whole world is divided in its allegiance to these two.  We must place ourselves on one side or the other.  Our faces are in the picture somewhere.  Those who obey Christ are on His side.

Those who disobey Christ are on the side of the enemy. 

Moving Out After 11 Long Years

After 11 long years, we were once again jolted out of our comfortable, everyday existence with the news that we have to move.

The entire compound we are in, including the house we are renting is undergoing renovation. Arrangements with the house owners have previously been made and they were nothing close to what we have to do now. The arrangement was they'd start and finish the work at our next door house first, and then, we'd move in there and they'd work on the house we'd move out of. After which, we would simply move back to our “original” house again.

Well, obviously things did not work out the way we had hoped they would. Prior talks made were disregarded; thus, our immediate need for “self-eviction.”

When I found out yesterday that we truly had to move, words randomly flashed through my brain to describe our situation and the way I felt about it. All of these words could be summarized into just one word: HASSLE.

This impromptu move is indeed a hassle for all of us—an intrusion into our already hectic schedules.

(Well, my schedule actually is a little less hectic now that I’m on a break from school and in between jobs. Although I’m so happy because of those two reasons, the urgent need to move is still stealing away from the few precious moments that I have to work on some important projects—e.g. scripts for Hope Channel and the business plan for RealDig, Inc.)

But, as I was taking a shower tonight after a long day packing boxes and boxes and boxes of my stuff (mostly books and documents), a thought sprang to mind that somehow gave me a “paradigm shift” about this whole “migration” thing. Maybe not completely, for this is still indeed a big hassle for all of us, but at least enough to lighten my sentiments on the subject matter.

The lyrics of a song floated into my consciousness and kept repeatedly playing in my brain. “This world is not my home, I'm just passing through. My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue. The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door and I can't feel at home in this world anymore.”

It dawned on me that God was probably reminding me that no matter where I go in this world; no matter how long I stay at that place; and no matter how comfortable and settled in I become, I still don’t belong in this sin-sick world. I have a far better home that Jesus is preparing all for me (not that I like living alone; just to make a point). And it’s a home that I will never ever, ever have to move from for all eternity.

I praise and thank God for reminding me this, especially on a Sabbath eve. And so now, I am once again able to lay aside all my cares and worries and just enjoy a peaceful Sabbath communion with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

On Being a "Prototype"

Being the firstborn, sometimes I feel like a prototype. With my neck too long; my back too long; my legs too short; and my bones too thin, why shouldn't I? It's as if my parents didn't know what they were doing when they were in the "throes of passion" and the way I came out was just the accidental fruit of their union.

When people notice and remark about those physical "inadequacies" of mine, I most often don't get offended. (That's like 99.99% of the time that I don't.) In fact, I crack up that joke on my being a prototype to them. That makes them laugh, too.

Perhaps I am a prototype in the sense that it was my parents' first time to copulate and produce an offspring. But I am confident that nothing about M.E. is accidental. And, that in the light of eternity and of God's omniscience, I know that He has "preordained" my existence and has a purpose for M.E. to fulfill in this world. 

On Getting a Haircut

My friend asked me why I got a haircut. But what she actually wanted to know was why I was keeping my hair short instead of growing it long like I used to. (Short is defined as above the shoulder level, I guess.)

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A Night of "Shocks" and "Wonders"

Last night, I experienced quite a shock. Several actually. All from a friend.

The first: I met with a friend who I hadn't been in "good" speaking terms with from January to April of this year. Something came between us that almost destroyed our oh-so-fragile friendship. I'm soooooooooooooooo very happy (perhaps "deliriously happy" would be a better term ) it didn't because I like my friend A LOT; I enjoy my friend's company; plus, our friendship is something that I have learned to value and treasure.

The second: We actually had dinner again together. The first since January that had nothing to do whatsoever with the common "groups" (business and church) that we share. And, it also wasn't with anyone else from any of those groups. 

The third: I was a bit worried at first, when I was on my way over, that things would be awkward. That we would not have much to talk about. That there would be an uncomfortable silence between us. Well, shocking to say, it was as if four months of negative feelings never existed. We both chatted happily on, somewhat updating each other with the happenings in our individual lives for the past couple of weeks.

The fourth: My friend gave me a "pasalubong" (a roughly invented definition/translation: "a 'something' or souvenir gift or present given to another from one's trip or travel from somewhere or "stuff you bring home to family and friends from your travels"). Unexpected because of the January-April thing, not because my friend isn't the thoughtful type. It's a pretty li'l yellow harmonica that's just right for the mobile M.E.! So light (because it's made of wood–seems like teak) and so portable (because it's small–smaller than the one I already have; it would fit my back jeans pocket). It's painted yellow with drawings in pink, green, etc. painted onto it as well. . . . I tried to play last night; played it in the bathroom. It sounded great in spite of my "virtuosity" (or lack of it).

The fifth: My friend knows when my birthday is. Finally! Hahaha. (After a friendship of about two years, I think it's about time!) Hmm. . . Actually, missed it by a day. My friend thought it was on April 29.  Better late than never, I always say. . . .

The sixth: My friend gave me a birthday gift. The biggest surprise for me last night. It's a mini (?), brown, wooden boomerang that has a kangaroo carved onto it; two painted red and black geckos; plus detailed (yet seemingly complicated) instructions on how to throw it, "made in Australia," and the word "Australia" were also painted in white on it. 

The seventh: That we are friends after all. In spite of "oscillations;" frequent misunderstandings; widely differing personalities (but not likes and dislikes); "issues" caused by other people; "denials;" and an 11-year age gap. (No, no. . . I'm not THAT old! My friend's just THAT young! Haha.)

Like I always say (one of my favorite quotes): "I don't need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends I can be certain of."

Something that’ll never happen! ; )

Wow. Now I'm 1000% certain my uncle (Noli) does have a wild and vivid imagination! He edited this using Microsoft Paint. How hard is that?! Haha. 

He must be as bored as I am sometimes.